We won't sleep together?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
