took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
