I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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