Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
please come you make the beer taste better
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
