By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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