just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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