you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have tasted many bathrooms
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
