Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
