That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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