he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
wow bdsm is so cute
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize