I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize