I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We are two peas in an std pod
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
