i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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