his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
