I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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