Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm passing your future prison.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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