Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
