What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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