I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize