I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
