is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
