Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i will never coherently bang her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Randomize
