I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
