Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
