You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
