You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
