did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
