Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
