just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
