so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
3pm strippers are depressing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
