I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
