i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize