I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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