I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They are going to name an STD after you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
