hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize