i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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