either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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