she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
