It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
