I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
