OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
