You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
