he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
