Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
