so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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