she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
