It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
