I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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