i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
