am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's blow job season.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
