It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
