Umm I'm too high to move.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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