He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
