Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
love makes seman taste better
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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