Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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