Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
