went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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