WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
