dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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