ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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