woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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