i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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