Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize