Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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