Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
