You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
