this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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