Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize