i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
