Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
