First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you would pick up someone in the library
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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