I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
