i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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