I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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