Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
